请英语比较好的高手批改一下这篇文章，谢谢了！
发布网友
发布时间：2022-04-22 19:12
共5个回答
热心网友
时间：2023-11-16 16:12
不妥的地方我直接给你后面打括号改了哈．
Dear Daniel:
I am so glad to receive a letter from you.
I am a fifteen-year-old girl.I like watching HarrpPotter when I was 6.（I liked to watch Harry Potter when I was 6.表示过去的动作，用过去时）Although I didn't understand all of the film,I imagined the magic world.
I cannot imagine how can I （how I can,宾语从句中应该用陈述语序）live in the film（in a world) if HarryPotter hasn't(doesn't appear,if 引导的句子中，用现在时即可，而且你若想用has，后面也必须加过去分词，即appeared) appear in my life.Dan,I am a quite and lovely girl.
I am full of fantasy(你最好查字典确定一下fantasy是不是可数名词，我也不很确定） to the future. I hope I will（could,hope的宾语从句用过去时态表虚拟，且表示”能够”用can就可） go to England when I am grown up（when I grow up,表示长大，用一般现在时即可，你是不是想表示”长大以后”，要是那样对的话，也只能用”when I have grown up"但一般都不这么表示）. I will seek my dream there（追逐梦想，为梦想奋斗，用fight for my dreams,你用seek显然是中文式英语）. Will you welcome to me at that time? （用Would you give me a warm welcome at that time?welcome可作名词或形容词，但哪种词性都不会有你那种表达方式）
You are very handsome for all the girls you know.I think you are not only handsome,but also charming to me.And because of the charm,make all the girls you know to love you（And your charm makes all the girls you know love you.首先，作主语的仅仅是your charm ,而不是because of the charm，其次，要用makes ,因为主语是单数，再次，make是使役动词，make sb do sth，不能加to)
In China,it's very important to learn(Studying is very important,用你的表达方式，给人感觉不完整，一般那种句型中的learn后面都要加宾语）. Everything you do is concerned with the scores. Although my parents satisfied me（用be satisfied with sb这个句型要好一点，satisfy是不及物动词，不能直接加宾语，且这里没必要用过去时） in the substance（把这句改成Although my parents are satisfied with my worldly（物质方面的） world）, they aren't concerned me with the spirit world（they don't care for my spiritual world，你的表术不够地道，改成上面那句要好些）. They don't know the foreign ecation （They don't know the ecation in foreigh coutries), the magic world .Even they don't comprehend me(They even don't understand me，这里的理解用comprehend不妥，应该用understand.还有even在这种语境下要用在主语之后）.In the foreign countries,parents let the children to face the problem（let sb do sth,let是使役动词，和make一样，后面不能加to,建议你在problem后加themselves，意思是”他们自己面对困难，解决困难，这句话正确的说法是parents let the children face and solve the problem themselves).They dom't let the children to avoid problems(错误同上，逃避问题不能用avoid,应该用excape from逃离，逃避）. But Chinese parents make(provide提供) a successful way for the children（这里说提供了成功的方法是反语吗？）.They just want the children to learn（study). Dan,I want to ask you that how do（把do去掉，陈述语序） the parents treat the children 's problem of edcation（不能treat problem,treat后应该加人，解决问题用solve/settle/deal with.这句这样说：I want to ask you that how the parents solve/settle their children's problem in ecation). What are(is)
parents' attitude to you to make films.(这句要表达什么意思？）
Dan,this is my first（letter) to you .I hope we will be pen pels(pals).
Yours,
Lily.
我尽量保持你的原意，不做较大改动，希望对你有所帮助）
热心网友
时间：2023-11-16 16:13
我帮你改吧！我也很喜欢HP。
除了一楼说的六岁看HP电影确实有点奇怪之外，下面几处需要注意：
I am so glad to receive a letter from you.意为“我很高兴收到你的来信。”应修改为：I am so glad to write to you.
“我无法想象，如果在我的生命中从来都没有出现过HarryPotter，那我将会过戏中什么样的生活。”这句话中文本身有问题，作者怎么会过上戏中的生活？建议修改为：I cannot imagine what my life will be if I never know Harry Potter.
I am full of fantasy to the future.修改为：I am full of fantasy about the future.
I hope I will go to England when I am grown up.修改为：I hope I can go to England when I grow up.
Will you welcome to me at that time? 修改为：Am I welcome to you at that time?
You are very handsome for all the girls you know.修改为：You are regarded as a handsome boy by all the girls who know you.
And because of the charm,make all the girls you know to love you.修改为：And the charm makes all the girls who know you to fall in love with you.（个人觉得这句话有点小肉麻～）
In China,it's very important to learn.修改为：In China,it's very important to study hard.
Although my parents satisfied me in the substance, they aren't concerned me with the spirit world.修改为：Although my parents satisfy all my material needs, they are not interested in what I think about.（个人认为这么说父母并不客观～）
They don't know the foreign ecation , the magic world.修改为They don't know much about the foreign ecation and the magic world.
Even they don't comprehend me.修改为：Even they don't understand me.
But Chinese parents make a successful way for the children.They just want the children to learn.修改为：But Chinese parents build a path leading to success for their children. They just want their children to study hard in school.
Dan,I want to ask you that how do the parents treat the children 's problem of edcation. What are parents' attitude to you to make films.
Dan,this is my first to you .I hope we will be pen pels.这段话写的太混乱，修改为：
Dan, I want to ask you what your parents' attitude towards children's edcation. What do they think about you when you become an actor?
Dan, this is the first time that I write to you .I hope we can become pen friends.
热心网友
时间：2023-11-16 16:13
全文问题蛮多的，我直接重新写一遍吧……
Dear Daniel:
I am so glad to write a letter to you.
I am a fifteen-year-old girl from China. I began watching Harry Potter when I was 6. Although I didn't understand the film sometimes, I was fasinated by the magic world.
I cannot imagine how would I live in the film if Harry Potter has never appeared in my life.
Dan, I am a graceful and lovely girl, and full of fantasy against the future. When I grow up, I hope I will go to England, where I will persue my dream there. Will you welcome me at that time?
You are very handsome to all girls, you know. In my opinion, you not only have handsome apperance, but also show great charm to me, which make all girls who know you love you.
In China, the most important thing for us students is learning. Everything you do is related to your academic achievements. My parents satisfy me in the material needs, but they don't concerned about my spiritual world. They don't know about the foreign ecation methods, and the magic world .They also don't understand me. In foreign countries, parents let their children face problems on their own. They don't allow the children run away from difficulties. However, Chinese parents always pave a way to success for the children. They just push their children to learn and learn and learn. Dan, I'd like to ask you how the parents handle the problem of ecation of children in Britain. I also want to know what your parents' attitude to your making films is.
Dan, this is my first letter to you .I hope we could be pen pels.
热心网友
时间：2023-11-16 16:14
基本上没有一个地方不要改。。。建议LZ回头学好英文再来。
另外附议楼上。
热心网友
时间：2023-11-16 16:15
拜托，这篇文章有严重的语法问题，修改它等于从来一遍，建议好好看看语法书!
